Yugioh Series X
by nasty-noser
Summary: What happens when Yugi's cat is run over by a steamroller ? Revenge!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1.  
**  
_Yugi is in his crappy little room above the crappy little card shop  
_  
Yugi: Kitty, here kitty kitty  
  
Joey: Since when have you owned a cat?  
  
Yugi: Since now, so shut up and look for my cat  
  
_Yugi looks out the window just in time to see his cat getting run over by a steam roller  
_  
Yugi: Dark Magician Cat! Noooooooooo! (falls out Window)  
  
Dark Magician Cat: (flattened noises)  
  
Joey: ( jumps out window after yugi since he is so stupid)  
  
_The steam roller that is about to run over Yugi and Joey suddenly breaks down_  
  
Kid who is driving steamroller: Aaarrgg! The frustration! (dies of frustration and falls out of steamroller, dropping a tape player)  
  
Yugi: (listening to tape player.) Arg! That's the awfulest noise Iv'e ever heard!  
  
Tape player: (in extremely American high voice.) Disguise yourself as road kill!! And run over cats! Jackkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooo!!!!  
  
Joey: Has a beat to it! (does random dance)  
  
Yugi: Whoever did this to you Dark Magician Cat, I'll duel them!!!  
  
Random sound effect: DUM DUM DUMMM!!!!!!!  
  
Joey: But the kid's dead already. (kicks corpse)  
  
Yugi: Then I'll duel the thing that provoked him cause this. I'm really bored and hamtaro isn't on for another half hour.  
  
Joey: Yay hamtaro!  
  
_Both turn around to see bakura licking cat blood off the road._  
  
Yugi: Hey! Stop licking my cat!  
  
Bakura: (Gore and asphalt oozing down face.) Spoilsport  
  
Joey: Well I say we take the steamroller!  
  
Yugi: What? We can walk faster than that thing!  
  
Joey: But I still haven't recovered from falling out the window. I think i've ruptured my ovaries!  
  
Yugi: Oh no! Should we call a podiatrist?  
  
Yami: You are both complete idiots.  
  
Joey: Hey, you stay out of this Mr. God On Earth.  
  
Yami: You cut me real deep  
  
Bakura: (licking lips.) There wouldn't be any blood involved, would there?  
  
Yugi: Umm, I think we should leave  
  
_Yugi and Joey climb on to steamroller and very slowly depart. Bakura goes back to licking the road._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2  
**  
_Yugi and Joey are sitting in the extremely slow steamroller. Joey is drooling on yugi's shoulder, snoring loudly  
_  
Mokuba: Halt!  
  
_Joey suddenly wakes up, sending a shower of saliva over everyone_  
  
Yugi: What the...? Where did you come from?!  
  
Mokuba: Well, im not quite sure but since I'm here, how about a random duel?  
  
Yugi: That would be quite relevant, this being yugioh and all. Okay!  
  
Joey: Yay you look so pretty with streaks!  
  
Yugi: **YUGIOH!** (Turns into yami)  
  
Yami: sigh What is it now?  
  
Joey: You duel Mokuba. Now stop the steamroller.  
  
Yami: Okay... And how do I do that?

Joey: What? You can't stop this thing!?  
  
Yami: Hello! I lived in ancient Egypt!  
  
Mokuba: (getting slightly nervous.) Er, perhaps we could have a rain check?  
  
Joey: No way! We can't have two story episodes in a row! Stay right there!!  
  
Yami: Hey Yugi!  
  
Yugi: What!?  
  
Yami: Get your midget arse out here and stop this thing!  
  
Yugi: No! I'm having a tea party with Mr. Bunnykins and Pretty Penny!  
  
Mokuba: Umm, guys....  
  
Joey: Shut up!  
  
Yami: Maybe this button.....  
  
Speakers: **SHINE THE HEAD LIGHTS RIGHT INTO MY EYES....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**  
  
Everyone: Aaarrgggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!  
  
Joey: Kill it! Kill it!!!!!!!!  
  
_Yami smashes the controls with his millenium puzzle and Joey helps with his head. Music stops.  
_  
Yami: What the hell was that?!  
  
Mokuba: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
_Blood splatters across Yami and Joey._  
  
Yami: Oh Ra...  
  
Joey: (going white.) Oh Kaiba...  
  
Bakura: HOORAY!!!!  
  
_Yami and Joey climb out of moving steamroller_.  
  
Yami: Are you following us or something?  
  
Bakura: I'm just hungry is all. (Eyeing Yami hungrily.)  
  
Yami: That's it! Im going to my room!! (Turns into Yugi)  
  
Joey: Sulk.  
  
Yugi: I'm me again! How depressing...  
  
Yami: Ow!! I fell down the stairs!  
  
Random loud speaker: **Attention all duelers! There is a tournament being unexpectedly held in the haunted mansion!!!!  
**  
Yugi: Aha! The villain is sure to be there!  
  
Joey: How convenient.  
  
Yugi: Well that's biology for you. Any way lets go.  
  
Joey: To the steamroller!  
  
Yugi/Yami: No!!!!  
  
Bakura: Yes!!!  
  
_Yugi and Joey walk off to find haunted mansion. Bakura keeps following steamroller._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**  
  
_Yugi and Joey have reached what they think is their destination. What they don't know is that they're actually in a westfield shopping center. Joey is terrified.  
_  
Yugi: No wonder they call it the haunted mansion. This place is giving me the creeps.  
  
Joey: Hold me!  
  
Yugi: Errr, no.  
  
Joey: Maybe the arena is in this room that has the big sign saying um,.... Supré?  
  
Yugi: Bloody French.  
  
_The two retards walk into the store and look around, confused.  
_  
Joey: Hey, this place isn't scary, its actually quite fashionable!  
  
Yami: Faggot.  
  
_Joey and Yugi suddenly spot their worst night_mare  
  
Yugi: No! It cannot be!!!  
  
Joey: Run for your lives!!!!  
  
Téa: Hi guys!  
  
Yugi: Quick! Pretend to be Neon Porcupines!  
  
Joey: Easy for you to say!  
  
Téa: I just love this store! It has all the coolest outfits!  
  
Yami: Am I the only one here tempted to disembowel her?  
  
Téa: So why are you guys here? Buying an outfit for someone special to you? (winks suggestively at Yami (who is currently yugi).)  
  
_Yugi is so sickened by this gesture and vomits all over the person closest to him, who just happens to be Téa (Hazzah!)  
_  
Joey: Are you saying this is not a dueling arena at all but actually a women's clothes store?!  
  
Téa: (wiping vomit off her dress.) Of course, silly!  
  
_Joey gets frustrated and punches the person who is closest to him, who also just happens to be Téa.  
_  
Yugi: So now what!?  
  
_Suddenly they see an extremely angry Kaiba walking up to them.  
_  
Joey: Oh dear.  
  
Yugi: (trying to look as neon porcupineish as possible.) Porcupine noises!  
  
Kaiba: You #%$!! Mashed my brother! (censored by stupid Americans)  
  
Joey: I'd call it more like...... compacted.  
  
Yugi: What are you doing here anyway?  
  
Kaiba: (pushing Supré bags behind him.) Uuuumm..... I was looking for you scum!!!  
  
Joey: Fine, let's settle this man to man!! I challenge you to a due.............  
  
_Joey is interrupted by having the crap beaten out of him by Kaiba  
_  
Yugi: (points and laughs)  
  
Téa: That's not very friendly!  
  
Joey: (actually has idea.) Help I'm being raped! I'm under age!!!!!  
  
_Policemen randomly appear and take Kaiba to the prison that had just replaced Starbucks  
_  
Yugi: (slightly disappointed.) So if this isn't the haunted mansion, where is it?  
  
Joey: lets ask the information desk.  
  
_Yugi, Joey and to their annoyance, Téa, walk off in search of the confusing "you are here" map_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
Yugi, Joey and the annoying stupid succubus that wont leave (also known as Téa) have finally found their out of the vast labyrinth they call Westfield and are on their way to the real haunted mansion  
  
Joey: I'm soooooooooo hungry  
  
Yugi: What?! Couldn't you have said that ten minutes ago when we were in the Westfield food court?  
  
Joey: I was too busy complaining that I needed to go to the bathroom.  
  
Yugi: No you weren't, you were talking about how delightful butterflies are.  
  
Joey: Stupid American censors!  
  
Yugi: So you're not gay.  
  
Joey: Says you.  
  
Téa: C'mon guys this will be fun! We can pretend we're on the forty hour famine!!!  
  
Yami: I definitely wish I was on something...  
  
Téa: That's the spirit!!!  
  
Joey: (hits tea over head with saucepan)  
  
Everyone (except Téa): HAZZAH!!!  
  
Ryou: Hello there!!  
  
Yugi: Ryou?! What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Ryou: I woke up lying face down on the road and realized all my friends were gone. By the way, does anyone know why my mouth tastes of dead cat?  
  
Joey: So I suppose your coming on our adventure?  
  
Ryou: Definitely!  
  
Joey: (sinks to the ground and weeps)  
  
Ryou: By the way, did you see how great 'Hamtaro' was today?  
  
Joey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yugi: So what shall we do about Téa?  
  
Yami: Need you ask?  
  
Ryou: Hey, lets use her as a sled!  
  
Yami and Joey immediately climb on to Téa's back, forcing Ryou to pull them.  
  
Ryou: Hey! I'm injured!! (Points to bandaged arm)  
  
Yami: You've been wearing that thing for six months now! Shut up and pull.  
  
Suddenly a new and improved steamroller is seen driving at top speed towards them (which is slightly faster than a lawnmower)  
  
Yugi: Mush Ryou!!!  
  
Ryou: (dragging tea as fast as possible.) I'm nervous...  
  
The steam roller is slowly catching up to them. Ryou stumbles and pathetically collapses, dropping his Millenium Ring  
  
Yugi: Stupid Ryou!!!  
  
Joey: We must stand and fight!  
  
Yami: It's a steamroller you retard!  
  
Yugi: Ryou, create a diversion! At least me and Joey can get away.  
  
Ryou is too busy writhing on the ground being pathetic , saying random phrases like "I really don't feel too well".  
  
Yugi: (clutching Joey, sobbing). Joey, I'm glad your with me, here at the end of all things...  
  
Yami: Why o why was I stuck with a Hikari who doesn't understand the concept of getting out of the way?!  
  
The steamroller stops inches away from them, just squashing the tips of Ryou's bangs. The driver jumps out.  
  
Claire: (laughing manically) Yay! Millenium item!!  
  
Ryou: No! My Ring!  
  
Claire: The great tyrant Brian Molko will be pleased!  
  
Joey: Sucked in Bakura!  
  
Still laughing manically, Claire jumps back in her steam roller and flees at a very slow speed.  
  
Joey: Bitch.  
  
Yugi: As much as I like seeing Ryou in pain, I suppose we'd better get his Ring back.  
  
Yami: Besides, I reckon this "Brian Molko" is the guy you're after.  
  
Joey: What makes you say that?  
  
Yami: Isn't the bad guy always the leader of some evil cult?  
  
Yugi: And this time, its personal!  
  
Joey: But didn't that other Pegasus guy turn your grandfather into a card?  
  
Yugi: He squashed my cat!!  
  
Ryou: Since when have you had a cat?  
  
Yugi: That's beside the point!!!  
  
Joey: I'm still hungry  
  
To be continued. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 6  
  
Joey and Claire are on either side of the supre dueling arena. Joey is pretty much wetting himself.  
  
Claire: (putting on duel disk.) Hehehehehe you're going to die!!!  
  
Joey: Yeek!  
  
Claire: dddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!!  
  
Joey: Ummm, yes I've kinda got the point  
  
Claire's cheerleaders start going crazy  
  
Cheerleader1: Yes, please! I hate Joey! Kill him kill him!!!  
  
Cheerleader2: (taking the role a bit seriously, pompoms and all.) Yaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy! Bloodshed!!  
  
Yugi: Eww, these guys are weird!  
  
Ryou: But the third has really nice legs.  
  
Receptionist: Excuse me but I am getting really bored! Will you start the duel already!  
  
Joey: Fine! Eeerrrrmm...... I choose you Ryou! (Picks up Ryou and throws him across the arena)  
  
Ryou: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!  
  
Cheerleader2 picks up baseball bat and grins madly.  
  
Ryou: Aaaarrrrrrrggg!!!!! (Becomes unconscious)  
  
Yami: You stupid retard! That's pokemon!  
  
Joey: What!? Ah dammit!! Sorry pikachu, you'll have to go...  
  
Pikachu: Pika! (Electrocutes Joey and walks away.)  
  
Claire: Ahhh! That's it, I'm going first! (Picks out card) Go dark mistress of illusions that is dark!!!  
  
A crappy wooden marionette falls down from the ceiling.  
  
Claire: What the hell?! What happened to the holograms?!!  
  
Receptionist: The stupid hologram machine broke this morning so we kinda have to make do.  
  
Joey: That's so cheap!  
  
Receptionist: Well that's what you get for relying on chocobo power.  
  
Joey: (draws a card...) Oh crap. Go sea snail of minimal fighting power!!  
  
Evil cheerleaders bust out laughing  
  
Claire: I also use my conjurer of cheap tricks!  
  
Yugi: Hey, he looks like gandalf!  
  
Claire: Attack his lame sea snail !  
  
The crappy puppets fly at Joey's monster (which is just a seashell tied to some string) and smash it to pieces.  
  
Joey: Ryou this is all your fault!!!  
  
Claire: now attack his life points directly!!!  
  
The puppets start flying at Joey and hitting him in the face.  
  
Joey: Ow! That bloody hurts!!!! (Life points go down to 20.)  
  
Cheerleader2: Finish him off!  
  
Cheerleader1: I'll do it!!!! (Throws brick at Joey's head.)  
  
Joey: Ahh!.. I'll be sure to loose.......(looks back at Yugi...) Nup, nothing will save me now...  
  
Yugi: (examining nails)  
  
Joey: Excuse me, some encouragement would be nice right now!!!!  
  
Yugi: What's the point? You are sure to lose.  
  
Joey: Remind me when I get out of this thing to beat the crap out of you........ or Téa...  
  
Tea: Don't worry Joey! All you have to do is believe in yourself!  
  
Yugi pushes Téa off the edge of arena.  
  
Joey: (Draws card .....) Wait a sec... yes!!! I'm saved! I use mega swordsman that wins all battles!!  
  
Receptionist: Sorry, no can do.  
  
Joey: WHAT!!!!!???  
  
Receptionist: Someone stepped on it.  
  
Claire: Hahahahahahahaha! Get his life points!!!!  
  
Joey: this isn't fair!!!!!!  
  
The puppets attack Joey again and he looses all his life points.  
  
Receptionist: And the winner is Claire!!!!  
  
Cheerleaders:Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Claire: I'll take his mega swordsman that wins all battles!  
  
Joey: Ha ha you cant even use it!  
  
Receptionist: Hey, we just fixed the hologram machine!  
  
Joey throws himself at the ground and starts tearing his hair out  
  
TO BE CONTINUED............ 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5  
  
Yugi, Joey, ryou and their form of transportation (Téa) are following the path of destruction caused by Claire's steamroller. Ryou is about to collapse with exhaustion.  
  
Yugi: Hey Ryou, hurry up the pace a bit. All this traveling is making me tired.  
  
Ryou: (feeling his lungs exploding.) Errrrr...  
  
Joey: (singing horribly off tune) This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on.......  
  
Yami: Shut the !3##% up!!  
  
Yugi: What does "shut the atexclamationmarkthreehashhashpercentagesign up" mean?  
  
Yami: Damn American censors!!!  
  
Joey: Hey guys!  
  
Yugi: What?  
  
Joey: This is the song that never ends.......  
  
Yugi slams Joey's head on the road  
  
Joey: Ow  
  
They look up and realise they are at the gates of the haunted mansion.  
  
Yugi: Oh! That was quick!  
  
Ryou:(fighting to breathe.) Can we... rest... now ?  
  
Joey: No! Get up you lazy bastard!  
  
Yugi: Lets go inside!  
  
They go inside. They are blinded by pinkness. Pink walls, pink floor and Pink Floyd  
  
Yugi: Eww! It's that old ugly singer! Go away!  
  
Pink Floyd: Awww... (Exits)  
  
Joey: Ugh, this place is scary but not in a tasteful kind of way.  
  
Suddenly the speakers are turned on and blasts out Placebo music.  
  
Yugi: Aaaaaaahhhhh!  
  
Joey: How could things get any worse?!  
  
Yami: You #%$ idiot!!! Never say that in a children's cartoon!  
  
Joey: Why not.......?  
  
Téa: (recovering conciseness.) Hey, I love what they've done with the place!  
  
groans all around  
  
Receptionist: Hello! Are you competitors?  
  
Yugi: Oh yes, thank god. It's an emergency! We've had four story episodes in a row!  
  
Receptionist: gasp! Oh you poor dears, come right this way!  
  
They all walk down a narrow pink hallway except for Ryou who has to be dragged. They are led into a giant hot pink dueling arena that is elaborately decorated with eggplants.  
  
Joey: What is with all the pink!?  
  
Receptionist: Well, the place was a bit dull, so we hired Supré to redecorate it!  
  
Ryou: I think I'm going to be sick... (Is sick all over the pink carpet, making it slightly more appealing.)  
  
Yugi: (stepping over Ryou and pool of vomit.) So how do they select the duelers? Random machine, eyeball soup?  
  
Receptionist: Actually, we just set a rabid monkey loose and the first two people it bites are the first to duel.  
  
Joey: Can't it be a non-rabid monkey?  
  
Receptionist: Where's the fun in that?! So anyway, here are your numbers. (Hands pieces of pink paper to all except Téa)  
  
Téa: Sexist!  
  
Yugi: 1  
  
Joey: 2  
  
Ryou: 1058  
  
Yugi: Isn't it kinda strange that I get the first number even though we arrived fashionably late.  
  
Ryou: I can't even count to this number...  
  
Joey: shut up Bakura.  
  
They walk into the rabid monkey room that is full of other contestants.  
  
Loud speaker: Okay everyone the monkey is being set loose; be careful! It can go anywhere!  
  
A panel in the wall opens up and a small monkey wearing stupid shorts leaps out and runs around the room.  
  
Joey: Ow! The little bastard bit me!  
  
Person across the room: Ow!  
  
Loud speaker: Attention! The first two competitors to duel will be contestant no.2 and contestant no.666  
  
Joey walks across to the lift thingy that takes him up to the platform. He drags his friends up also and Téa follows like some irritating breed of shiatsu.  
  
Ryou: Let me rest! I beg you!  
  
Receptionist: (from the ground.) Can I please shoot him?  
  
The other duelist approaches the platform, with their two cheer leaders.  
  
Joey: (realizing with horror who his opponent is.) Oh #$%!  
  
Claire:( laughing manically) Yay! This is gonna be fun!!!!!!!!!  
  
Random sound effect: DUM DUM DUUUUMM!!  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.... 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
All the duelists are sitting in the mess hall, gagging on their Yugioh flavored sandwiches. Yugi is the only one eating at the table since Ryou is unconscious, Joey is dazedly rocking back and forward and Téa who is recovering from the fall is only allowed liquids.  
  
Yugi: Eeerr, these sandwiches are disgusting!  
  
Téa: (drinking her sandwich smoothie.) Hey! This swirly straw is fun!  
  
Joey: I....lost. I....lost.  
  
Yugi: Errm okay........any way, I wonder who's going to duel next. I bet it's gonna be me!  
  
Cheerleader1: (yelling from other table.) I bet your gonna really suck at it!!! (Pegs Millenium Ring at him.)  
  
Yugi ducks and it hits Ryou, making him even more unconscious  
  
Claire: You idiot! We needed that!  
  
Cheerleader1: Dammit.  
  
Téa: don't listen to them Yugi, I know you'll do great!  
  
Yugi punches Téa in bandaged face, causing her to have a nose bleed. Suddenly Ryou begins to writhe and light up.  
  
Yami: Umm, is he supposed to be doing that?  
  
Bakura: FOOD! (Leaps onto tea and starts licking the blood off her face)  
  
Yugi: (laughing.) Aww, that's disgusting! He's drinking nose blood!  
  
Suddenly there is a clatter of chairs from the opposite table; Claire and Cheerleader 2 run up, looking very hungry.  
  
Yugi: Umm, Téa I think you should stop bleeding now!  
  
Téa: Okay! (Stops bleeding.)  
  
Yami: How on earth did you do that?  
  
Claire: (horribly disappointed.) Aww, stupid Téa!  
  
Bakura: I agree!  
  
Claire: Hmmm, you'll do! (Leaps onto Bakura and sinks her pointy fangs into his neck.)  
  
Bakura: Aarrrrrr!!!!!! What the hell!?  
  
Yami: I'm not allowed to swear but their allowed to eat each other? That sucks!  
  
Cheerleader 2: Errr, hurry up! I need to wash the horrible taste of sandwiches out of my mouth!  
  
Suddenly, Joey gets a weird look in his eye and jumps up and punches Claire, causing her to fall off Bakura.  
  
Claire: Hey! I was eating that!  
  
Yugi: Joey! How dare you punch a girl other than Téa!  
  
Joey: (eyes going red.) Be quiet you stupid midget.  
  
Bakura: (attempting to drink his own blood.) Oh, so tempting!  
  
Yugi: Hey! That was cruel.  
  
Joey: (turning back to Claire.) No one bites my Bakura but me!  
  
Yugi: Ewwww! You like Bakura?! That is so sick Joey!  
  
Bakura: Ummm, I'm rather confused.  
  
Claire: He belongs to me now!  
  
Claire and Joey start fighting.  
  
Yugi: (singing and doing stupid dance.) Joey likes bakura!!!  
  
Bakura: Eww, Joey, that's sick!  
  
Cheerleader 2: Like you can talk.  
  
Yugi: (being slightly amused at Joey being bitten.) Wait a sec, Joey fights like a girl.......that's not Joey!!!!!  
  
Yami: You only just figured that out? Jeez, you are an idiot.  
  
Yugi: Hey, its not my fault I have so many adventures that I only go to school once a year!  
  
Bakura: cough Dumbass  
  
Téa: Guys! Joey needs our help!!  
  
Bakura: (punches Téa.)  
  
Cheerleader2: (hallucinating from lack of blood, staring at Joey's eyes.) HIS EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!!!!!!  
  
Leaps at Joey, and starts trying to lick his eyeballs.  
  
Joey: Erghh!! This is too gross, I'm outta here!!!!  
  
Joey falls over and the redness disappears from his eyes to the Cheerleader's disappointment.  
  
Joey: (trying to see through layer of saliva.) Okay, that was weird.  
  
Yugi: Only the lowest type of scum would try to pull off a trick like this!!  
  
Yami: (sarcastically.) I wonder who that could be ?  
  
Yugi: Duke Devlin!!!  
  
Yami: No you retard! Its Marik, obviously!  
  
Yugi: Hmm, that actually does make sense with the possessing and all....  
  
Bakura: (choking with relief)  
  
Joey: What's up with you?  
  
Bakura: You have no idea how relived I am that you don't like me.  
  
Joey: (slightly disappointed.) Oh, yeah....heh  
  
Yugi: Well there's obviously only one place he's sure to be.  
  
Characters arrive in the beauty quarters of the dueling center and surly enough, Marik is having his daily manicure  
  
Claire: (who had just happened to be following them.) How dare you come between me and my prey!!!  
  
Marik: Oh, please. The vampire look is so eighteenth century.  
  
Claire: YOUR GONNA DIE NOW!!!!!! (Begins pulling out tufts of platinum blonde hair)  
  
Marik fights back using his newly sharpened nails  
  
Joey: Yeah!! Cat fight!  
  
Bakura: Wow, people are fighting over me! I feel wanted in a non criminal way!!  
  
Yugi: You do know that one of them is fighting for your blood.  
  
Bakura: Well it is very tasty. (begins to stare hungrily at his own wrists)  
  
Meanwhile, Claire is trying to shove Marik's head in a nearby blender  
  
Marik: No! I'm too fashionable to die!  
  
Claire: Are you kidding? What's with the pink midriff?!  
  
Marik: Lavender!!  
  
Joey: Wait!!! I have an idea!!!!  
  
Joey picks up a random pikachu that is passing by and crams it into the blender  
  
Pikachu: PIIIKKKAAAA!!!!!!  
  
Blood spatters all over marik's face and the blades get jammed.  
  
Yami: Joey!! What the hell did you do that for!!!  
  
Joey: What? I was saving Marik from his death!  
  
Yugi: Aww, I wanted to see Marik get blended.  
  
Receptionist: (randomly appearing.) Actually, he wouldn't be dead, just sent to the shadow realm. See how the blades shine yellow?  
  
Yami: Stupid American censors!!!  
  
Marik: (silently horrified by being covered in pikachu blood)  
  
Bakura: (hyperventilating.) Pleasure overload!!!!!!!!  
  
Marik: Oh god....(bolts for the door, closely pursued by Bakura.)  
  
Claire: Dammit! I'm still hungry!  
  
Loudspeaker: Attention all duelists!! Please make your way to the rabid monkey room to determine the next two competitors!!! And the Krispy Kremes are still on sale!  
  
Joey: Hazzah!!!!  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.......... 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
Yugi, Joey and tea ( who somehow managed to drag herself there with two broken legs) are seated in fluffy pink chairs In the rabid monkey room with the other competitors, waiting impatiently.  
  
Yugi: where the hell is that stupid monkey, we've been waiting here for two bloody hours!!!  
  
Joey: and after all the trouble I went through to get some rabid monkey repellent  
  
Tea: hey! Where's Bakura? I hope he's not in any trouble!  
  
Yugi: silence!! Sprays pepper spray in tea's face  
  
Tea: with extremely bloodshot eyes. wow, tingly  
  
Joey: who, cares about that freak?! Last night I caught him trying to eat my foot!  
  
Loudspeaker: attention, we apologize for the long wait as we have suspicions that the monkey has anthrax, but it seems alright now so it is being set loose.  
  
Nervous glances from around the room.  
  
Marik: just walking in the door. Phew, I think I've finally lost him...ahhhh!!! Monkey leaps on him. Ow! Its biting my face!!!  
  
Bakura: stumbling in door after him. Ah! Here you are, what the hell is that?  
  
Suddenly the monkey lunges at Bakura  
  
Bakura: no! I'm allergic to stupid shorts!!! Goes into massive coughing fit, sending the monkey flying  
  
Bakura coughs up a piece of Mokuba  
  
Monkey: ah!! ah ahh!!! starts Biting it  
  
Yugi: ewww, I wish I didn't see that  
  
Loudspeaker: the duelists for this match will be no.16 and no.8  
  
Joey: who's number 8?  
  
Loudspeaker: Mokuba Kaiba  
  
Yugi: how on earth is that possible?  
  
Loudspeaker: just shut up and go to the arena, midget.  
  
Yugi: how rude  
  
The characters are now standing around the arena.  
  
Joey: so how the hell is Mokuba going to duel if he's bloody dead!?  
  
Bakura: licking his lips. Bloody indeed.  
  
Receptionist: Marik, will you do the honors?  
  
Marik: no #$%!! Way!!!  
  
Receptionist: waves threatening con-air quick hair braiding kit.  
  
Marik: errr, I should have stayed in my desolate hole in the ground  
  
Marik hesitantly shoves his hand down Bakura's throat, causing him to ermm, empty his stomach.  
  
Joey: gross! What on earth have you been eating!!?  
  
Tea: found my keys!  
  
Receptionist: could someone put a duel disc on that thing?  
  
Yugi: um, can anyone see a piece of arm?  
  
Marik: lets just say I'm the winner then we can go!  
  
Receptionist: no. now shut up and duel!  
  
Vomit: remains motionless.  
  
Yugi: umm, I think Marik should go first.  
  
Marik: err, um, okay........go.. card  
  
Yami: don't tell me you don't know how to duel.  
  
Marik: possessing people is really quite time absorbing you know!  
  
Joey: well do something!!!  
  
Marik: starts applying eyeliner.  
  
yugi: staring at vomit and prissy Egyptian. This must be the most boring duel I have ever seen  
  
Bakura: using all his will power to refrain from eating his own bloody vomit  
  
receptionist: Marik! Use your turn !! uses whip Marik: ow!! Fine I'll use.......flicks out a card and squints at it. The great dragon of rah. Oh yay, he matches my jewelry.  
  
Dramatic flashes all over the stadium and a giant dragon appears  
  
Everyone: gasp!!!!!!  
  
Marik: yawn  
  
Suddenly the vomit's deck falls over and the five cards of exodia the forbidden land face up.  
  
Everyone: DOUBLE GASP!!!!!!!!!  
  
Exodia appears and destroys the expensive lizard and all Marik's life points  
  
Marik: WHAT!!!?  
  
Receptionist: the winner is Mokuba!  
  
Joey: HAH! Marik lost to a pile of vomit! Gets smacked it the head with millenium rod. Ow  
  
Receptionist: Mokuba may pick a card from Marik's deck  
  
Yugi: staring at vomit. Its kinda in the shape of the great dragon of rah.....hand it over Marik  
  
Marik: NO!! runs over to vomit and starts smearing it around. See? It looks like 'salamander of crappy attack force'  
  
Yami: okay, fine! Just stop molding the vomit for god sakes!  
  
Marik: realizes Bakura is staring at him strangely. Stay away from me!!! Tosses the card at Mokuba and makes a dash for the lift.  
  
Bakura: c'mon! I wont bite you this time!! Chases after him.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.........(well obviously) 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
All the duelists are sleeping unpeacefully in their pink beds, having nightmares about the duel from the previous day, except for bakura, who is trying to eat marik's hair while he sleeps.  
  
Tea: waking up. Wow, I could really go for a glass of water right now! Raises her hands but realizes no one is awake to punch her.  
  
Tea is of course too stupid to remember what a tap looks like so instead searches through everyone's bags like the annoying, nosey rhinoceros she is.  
  
Tea: rummaging through the horrors within bakura's backpack. Hmm, this looks liquidy! Pulls out suspicious looking bottle and retardedly skulls it.  
  
Obviously it was not water and tea falls over, apparently having some sort of fit.  
  
Joey: waking up. Could someone shut that creature up!?  
  
Yugi: it's bakura's turn.  
  
Joey: bakura!!  
  
Bakura: still doing weird stuff elsewhere  
  
Yugi: sulking. I have to do everything round here.  
  
He drags tea into the hallway, assuming the fit as normal tea behavior.  
  
Joey: I can still hear her evil banshee cries.  
  
Yugi: fine, then come and help me drag her outside. Joey: cant we just end her pain? Its too cold.  
  
Yugi: sorry, I used up all my bullets by making ryou dance.  
  
After a lot of pulling, sliding and hallucinating (from tea), they finally manage to get her outside.  
  
Joey: can we go to sleep now?  
  
Tea: heheheheheheheheh!!! The stars are melting!!  
  
Tea's mad ranting is interrupted by a loud crash as an ugly pink supre sign falls to the ground in flames.  
  
Joey: eeek!!!! Squeals like a girl  
  
Tea: gasp! the sign is expressing itself!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yugi and Joey run up to the source of the chaos where cheerleader2 and Claire are watching in amusement at cheerleader1 setting things alight such as lawn ornaments and unimportant characters.  
  
Cheerleader1: hazzah! Flames!!!  
  
Claire: I agree  
  
Yugi: hey, stop lighting stuff on fire!!  
  
Cheerleader1: why?  
  
Yugi: because it's the right thing to do!!  
  
Cheerleader1: no, this is!! Lights yugi's hair on hair on fire  
  
Yugi: no!!! my defense mechanism!!!!!!!!!  
  
Joey: I'll save you! pushes yugi over and starts stomping on his head  
  
Bakura: holding empty bottle and looking quite angry. hey! Who's been going through my stuff!!?  
  
Tea: flames are our friends!! Tra-la la la la la (Smurfs tune)  
  
Bakura: stupid supre slut!!! That cost me all of ryou's pocket money!!!! Starts repeatedly kicking her.  
  
Claire: YOU!  
  
Bakura: (notices Claire) gyahh!!!!!! (falls over backwards in pure terror)  
  
Tea: you must learn to embrace the truth! The truuuuuutthh!!!!!  
  
Cheerleader2: (noticing bakura's bling bling) wait a sec! You have my supposed tyrant gift! (glares at cheerleader1)  
  
Bakura: no! my pretty ring!!!!!! (clutches millenium item as if it were Marik)  
  
Marik: (elsewhere) errr, I think my rib is broken.  
  
Cheerleader2: GIMME! (starts tugging on the ring)  
  
Bakura: NO! 'tis mine!!!!!!  
  
Cheerleader2: tis'nt!!!!!  
  
Bakura: 'tis!  
  
Cheerleader2: tis'nt!!!  
  
Bakura: 'tis!!! Cheerleader1: what now?  
  
Tea: Shakespearean theatre is alive in us all!  
  
Cheerleader1: (flicks lighter open) get the rhinoceros!  
  
Bakura: (under cheerleader2 who is strangling him) I wouldn't do that if I were you!  
  
Cheerleader1: (hesitates)  
  
Bakura: but I'm not, so go ahead!  
  
Noise of flame hitting tea: KABOOOOM!!!!!!!! (scratchy footage of massive mushroom cloud)  
  
Everyone stands around stunned with soot on their faces  
  
Yugi: how on earth did we survive that!?  
  
Yami: I guess it was a comical explosion or something.  
  
Joey: I didn't think it was very funny.  
  
Cheerleader1: are you kidding!? Flames are hilarious!!!!!!!!  
  
Yugi: eerm, okaay........  
  
Cheerleader2: (suddenly snatches millenium ring from a very distracted Bakura ) hazzah! Victory!!!!!!!!  
  
Bakura: (starting to light up) noooooooo!! I haven't had my hourly dosage of blood yet!!!!! (turns back into the pathetic whimpering waste of oxygen named Ryou)  
  
Ryou: (dazed) what? What's going on?! I'm frightened!!  
  
Joey: SHUT UP RYOU!!  
  
yugi: why on earth do you want that thing anyway? Who knows where its been?  
  
Cheerleader2: (stops hugging it) because I am going to collect all millenium items and become ruler of the world!!!!  
  
Yami: oh, how original.  
  
Cheerleader2: all will fear my name!!!  
  
Joey: hrmm, cheerleader2 doesn't exactly strike fear into my heart.  
  
Cheerleader2: what on earth are you talking about?! I am the great BRIAN MOLKO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yami: wait a sec, we're meant to be overthrowing you or something .  
  
Yugi: gasp YOU SLAUGHTERED DARK MAGICIAN CAT!!!!  
  
Joey: what!!? You're a guy!!!!?  
  
Ryou: no way! I..... , oh god. (face goes green)  
  
Brian: ha! This calls for a song! I WAS HANGING FROM A TREE, UNACCUSTOMED TO SUCH VIOLENCE, JESUS LOOKIN' DOWN ON ME, I WAS PREPARED FOR ONE BIG SILENCE!!!!!!!  
  
Claire & cheerleader1: HAIL!!! (both salute, causing cheerleader1 to burn her face with the lighter still in her hand)  
  
Yugi: what on earth is he doing!? It sounds awful!!! Joey: (hands over his ears) aaahhhh! My brain is exploding!!!  
  
Tea: she's good, but she's no saddle club.  
  
Yugi: it's a guy you #!% idiot!!! And why are you still alive!!?  
  
Ryou: (vomiting uncontrollably)  
  
Cheerleader1: (rubbing forehead) ouches. Being tactless has its disadvantages.  
  
Yugi: well lets duel!!!  
  
Brian: are you kidding?! Its way too early to be dueling the main bad guy isn't it?!  
  
Joey: I know how to settle this! Karaoke party!!!!  
  
Claire: what the hell?  
  
Joey: or a game of truth or dare!!! or a sleepover !!!!  
  
Yami: enough with the cliché fan fiction!!!  
  
Ryou: (in between heaves) yeah, I'm sick of being beaten by my yami then committing suicide  
  
Joey: best stage performance of the lion king!!?  
  
Yugi: fine. Then shall I mention a little something called Joey x kaiba?  
  
Joey: I'll be good.  
  
Yugi: anyway, as I was saying.............(turns around to find garden empty, excluding the burning corpses.) DAMMIT!!!  
  
Yami: I don't blame him.  
  
Joey: stupid Ryou  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!............  
  
p.s. to drew the master: fortunately I'm already burning in hell with stationary in my eyes 


End file.
